Men Cry Too: Why Male Vulnerability Still Makes Society Uncomfortable

 

Tears are a universal human expression of emotion, yet when men shed tears, the reaction often veers from empathy to discomfort. Cultural norms and deeply ingrained stereotypes have long dictated that emotional expression - especially crying - is a sign of weakness, reserved for women and children. But this narrow view comes at a cost: it stifles authentic connection, erodes mental health, and perpetuates toxic ideals of masculinity. In this article, we’ll explore why male vulnerability still makes society uncomfortable, and how we can foster a more compassionate, emotionally literate culture for everyone.

1. The Weight of Stoicism: Historical Roots of “Real Men Don’t Cry”

From ancient warrior codes to Victorian stoicism, history has lionised men who bear pain in silence. Emperors, knights, and explorers were celebrated for their unflinching resolve in the face of danger. Over time, these ideals morphed into the “stiff upper lip”: a cultural script prescribing that men must remain calm, controlled, and unemotional. Any display of feeling - particularly tears - risked being labelled unmanly, effeminate, or weak.

While modern life no longer demands literal battlefield heroics, the legacy of stoicism remains. Boys learn early on that expressing sadness or fear will invite ridicule or shame. Parents might say, “Big boys don’t cry,” or peers might mock a classmate who lets tears fall. By adulthood, many men have internalised the message that tears are taboo - a dangerous falsehood that disconnects them from their own emotional needs.

2. Biology and Empathy: Debunking the “Gendered Tears” Myth

It’s sometimes argued that women are simply more emotional than men - that they cry more often because their hormones make them fragile. Yet scientific research tells a more nuanced story:

• Tear Production Differences: Studies show that women produce more baseline tears due to dynamics of tear film maintenance, but emotional tears are linked more to socialisation than biology.¹

• Emotional Processing: Neuroimaging reveals that both men and women engage similar brain regions when experiencing sadness or empathy; gender differences in crying often stem from learned behaviour and cultural expectations.²

In essence, the capacity to cry is human, not gendered. Men are just as likely to feel intense grief, frustration, or tenderness - but they learn early on to suppress the most visible sign of those feelings.

3. Costs of Suppression: The Toll on Mental Health

Silencing tears doesn’t eliminate pain - it stores it away, often with serious consequences:

• Increased Anxiety and Depression: Men who routinely bottle up emotions are at higher risk for mood disorders. Without healthy outlets, stress compounds, leading to chronic anxiety or depressive episodes.

• Substance Abuse and Aggression: Emotional numbness can fuel self-medication through alcohol or drugs. Alternatively, pent-up feelings may explode as anger or aggression, damaging relationships.

• Barrier to Help-Seeking: The stereotype that “real men don’t talk about feelings” discourages men from seeking therapy or support groups. Statistics show that while men complete suicide at higher rates, they seek mental-health care far less often than women.

Encouraging men to cry - and to speak about why - can be a form of emotional release, reducing the risk of these negative outcomes.

4. Toward a Healthier Masculinity: Why We Should Embrace Male Tears

Reimagining masculinity to include vulnerability brings clear benefits:

1. Deeper Relationships
   When men allow themselves to cry, they open doors to intimacy and empathy. Partners, friends, and family members feel invited to share their own feelings, strengthening bonds.

2. Emotional Intelligence
   Recognising and naming feelings is the first step toward effective communication and conflict resolution. Crying can be a healthy signal that prompts reflection and growth.

3. Role Modelling for the Next Generation
   Boys who see male role models - from fathers to teachers - expressing sadness learn that vulnerability is human, not shameful. This breaks the cycle of emotional repression.

5. Practical Steps: Supporting Male Vulnerability

How can individuals and communities help men feel safe enough to cry?

• Normalise the Moment: If a man cries, avoid gaslighting (“You’re overreacting”) or mocking. Instead, offer a tissue, a calm presence, and a gentle question like “Do you want to talk about it?”

• Language Matters: Replace phrases like “man up” or “toughen up” with “it’s okay to feel this way.” Even small shifts in wording signal permission to express.

• Create Safe Spaces: Men’s support groups, coaching circles, or even book clubs can offer structured environments where sharing is encouraged. Professional therapy should be de-stigmatised and made more accessible.

• Lead by Example: Fathers, coaches, and leaders should model emotional openness - sharing their own struggles and tears when appropriate. Visibility matters.

6. Conclusion: The Power of Shared Tears

Tears are a bridge between hearts. When men cry, they remind us of our shared vulnerability and humanity. Breaking free from the outdated script that labels male emotion as weakness is not merely a matter of individual well-being; it’s a societal imperative. By embracing male vulnerability, we pave the way for healthier relationships, stronger communities, and a world where everyone - regardless of gender - feels safe to let their tears fall.

Embracing male tears doesn’t diminish strength; it redefines it. True courage lies not in hiding pain, but in acknowledging and sharing it.

Footnotes

1. Vingerhoets, A. J. J. M., & Cornelius, R. R. (2001). Adult crying: A model and review of the literature. Review of General Psychology. ↩

2. Frewen, P. A., et al. (2008). Neural correlates of tearful sadness: An fMRI study. NeuroImage. ↩

© 2025 Marlena Pakula. All Rights Reserved.

Silent Treatment vs Explosive Arguments: How Men & Women Handle Conflict (And Why It Matters)

 

Let’s be honest - conflict is part of every relationship. Whether it’s romantic, familial, or professional, no two people will always agree. But have you ever noticed how differently men and women tend to handle conflict?

It’s like watching two completely different movies - one is a silent indie film, and the other is a full-blown action blockbuster.

So, why is it that when tensions rise, one partner goes completely quiet while the other erupts like a volcano? And why do these opposing styles seem to clash so much? Let’s unpack it.

 

The Silent Treatment: The ‘Freeze’ Response

Often (but not always), men tend to lean toward the silent treatment during conflict. It's not necessarily out of spite - it’s more like retreating to their cave to process what’s going on.

For many men, silence is a form of emotional self-regulation. They're not ready to talk yet. They need to think, cool down, or just escape the intensity of the moment. Unfortunately, to their partner, this often looks like stonewalling, indifference, or emotional withdrawal.

But here’s the kicker - while they’re quiet, they’re not always calm. Their minds are often racing with thoughts like:

• “If I say something now, I’ll make it worse.”

• “I don’t know how to respond.”

• “This is too much. I need space.”

The silent treatment becomes their armour - problem is, it creates even more distance.

Explosive Arguments: The ‘Fight’ Response

On the flip side, many women tend to go all in. We want to talk it out, solve it, express it, get it out there. We value connection, and we feel anxious when that connection is threatened.

So what do we do? We talk louder, we cry, we push for answers. Not because we want a fight - but because we want resolution.

But from the outside, especially to a conflict-avoidant partner, this can look intense. Suddenly it feels like a firestorm, and the more we pursue, the more they retreat.

Sound familiar?

Different Communication Mindsets

At the heart of it, we’re dealing with different conflict mindsets - not just different genders.

• Some people see conflict as something to solve immediately.

• Others see it as something to survive quietly.

There’s no right or wrong - just different wiring. Add in social conditioning, childhood models of conflict, and emotional triggers, and you’ve got a recipe for misunderstanding.

The Problem? It Becomes a Cycle

Here’s how it usually plays out:

1. One partner goes quiet.

2. The other escalates to get a response.

3. The first partner shuts down more.

4. The second gets louder, angrier, or more upset.

Round and round we go.

What started as a small disagreement becomes a breakdown in communication. Not because of what was said - but because of how it was handled.

So, How Do We Break the Cycle?

Here’s the part where we get honest - with ourselves and each other.

If you tend to go silent:

• Let your partner know you need a pause, not a disconnect. A simple “I need 20 minutes to think, and then I’ll come back” can work wonders.

• Silence without reassurance feels like abandonment. Offer a timeline. Stay emotionally present, even if you’re not talking yet.

If you tend to get explosive:

• Ask yourself: “Is this about solving the issue - or needing to be heard?”

• Practice pausing before raising your voice. Not to silence yourself - but to ground yourself in clarity.

• Remember: intensity doesn’t equal effectiveness.

For both sides:

• Use safe words. Yes, like in the movies - but emotional ones. Something like “I need a timeout,” “Can we hit pause?” or even a humourous phrase you both agree on.

• Set a “return” rule: If one walks away, they must come back when ready. Don’t leave things dangling.

• Work on self-awareness. Are you reacting to the present moment, or past wounds?

Final Thought: We’re Not Enemies - We’re Just Wired Differently

Conflict isn’t the enemy. Avoidance and miscommunication are.

Whether you’re the one who shuts down or the one who fires up, both styles have strengths and weaknesses. What matters most is learning how to meet in the middle.

Relationships thrive when we learn to speak not in the way we understand - but in the way our partner can receive.

Because at the end of the day - it’s not about who’s louder or quieter.
It’s about who’s willing to listen.

© 2025 Marlena Pakula. All Rights Reserved.

What’s on His Mind vs What’s on Hers: A Peek Into the Daily Thought List

 Because we all know the brain is a wild place—and it comes in two very different models.

Let’s face it. 
Men and women think differently. Not better or worse—just… differently. Like an iPhone vs a toaster. Both useful. Both can burn you. Neither will ever fully understand the other.

Ever wondered what goes on in each other’s heads during a typical day? We did the deep dive (translation: eavesdropped and guessed wildly) so you don’t have to.

7:00 AM – Wake-Up Time

Her Brain:

• “What’s that smell? Is that...dog pee or leftover dreams?”

• “Should I get up and be productive, or scroll for 45 minutes while judging influencers?”

• “Do I have clean leggings? Never mind—I’ll wear them anyway.”

• Mentally adds 19 things to today’s to-do list.

His Brain:

• “Where am I?”

• “Do I really need this job?”

• “I wonder what’s for breakfast. Bacon would be nice.”

• Hits snooze with Olympic precision.

9:00 AM – At Work (or pretending to be)

Her Brain:

• “Email inbox: 214 unread. Panic now or later?”

• “Why does Karen use 17 exclamation marks in every email?”

• “Did I sound too aggressive in that message? Should I add a smiley face? A gif? Bake a cake to apologise?”

• “Must not eat snacks before 10am. Oh, screw it. Pass the biscuits.”

His Brain:

• “Where’s the charger?”

• “What’s for lunch?”

• “How many meetings can I survive today without saying a single word?”

• “Should I start a podcast?”

1:00 PM – Lunchtime Thoughts

Her Brain:

• “Should I eat healthy or live deliciously?”

• “Why did I agree to that group chat lunch meet-up? I don’t even like Sarah.”

• “Did I forget to defrost the chicken? AGAIN?”

• Looks up new recipes. Ends up ordering chips.

His Brain:

• “FOOD.”

• “Burgers. Sandwiches. Burritos. Yes.”

• “If I eat at my desk, does that make me more productive… or just sad?”

• “Is 1pm too early for energy drinks?”

5:30 PM – End of Day Reflections

Her Brain:

• “How is it 5:30 and I’ve done NOTHING on my personal goals?”

• “I should go to the gym…or at least walk past it.”

• “Why is this random thing from 2008 suddenly making me cringe again?”

• Remembers 17 things to do tomorrow and adds 12 more.

His Brain:

• “Should I go to the gym? Nah.”

• “Can I finish this level before dinner?”

• “How many hours until bedtime?”

• “Where did I put the remote?”

9:00 PM – Winding Down

Her Brain:

• “Face mask. Skincare. Inner peace. Let’s glow.”

• “Should I read? Watch a documentary? Do something meaningful?”

• Spends 90 minutes deciding what to watch. Falls asleep during intro.

• “Do I snore? I don’t snore… right?”

His Brain:

• “Let’s just watch one more episode.”

• “Oh look, it’s 1AM.”

• “Did I lock the door? Meh.”

• Suddenly remembers that thing he forgot to do 5 days ago.

Final Thoughts (Literally)

Her:
“I need to wake up early tomorrow and get my life together.”

Him:
“I wonder if penguins have knees.”

Conclusion:
Brains are magical, mysterious places filled with snacks, random flashbacks, to-do lists, and deeply philosophical thoughts like, “Do I need another houseplant?” or “Can I survive solely on leftover pizza?” The differences? Hilarious. The overlap? Real. The takeaway?

We’re all just trying to make it through the day… one weird thought at a time.

© 2025 Marlena Pakula. All Rights Reserved.

Stay-at-Home Dads and Breadwinning Mums: Flipping the Script

 

In decades past, the phrase “stay-at-home dad” might have raised eyebrows or sparked awkward chuckles. Today, it’s a growing reality—and a refreshing shift in family dynamics. As gender roles continue to evolve, more women are stepping into the role of primary earners while more men are embracing the responsibilities of full-time caregiving. This flip in the traditional script is challenging old stereotypes, redefining masculinity and motherhood, and reshaping what a modern family looks like.

The Rise of the Breadwinning Mum

The modern job market, rising costs of living, and increased access to education have contributed to more women pursuing ambitious careers. Many are thriving as entrepreneurs, executives, and skilled professionals. In many households, women now out-earn their male partners—not by design, but by circumstance and opportunity.

This doesn’t mean women are abandoning their nurturing side. It simply means the definition of “provider” is no longer exclusive to one gender.

Why More Dads Are Choosing to Stay at Home

Once considered taboo, stay-at-home fatherhood is slowly becoming normalised. Some dads leave the workforce because childcare costs are too high. Others genuinely want to be more present in their children’s lives.

Stay-at-home dads are not “babysitting”—they’re parenting. They handle the school runs, cook meals, clean up messes, and offer emotional support, just like mums have done for generations. And they're doing so with pride, not shame.

Flipping Roles Doesn’t Flip Respect—It Expands It

Traditional roles often limited both men and women. Men were expected to be stoic providers, and women, ever-present nurturers. But flipping the script has allowed both to experience the full spectrum of human growth.

• Men are learning the emotional depth and daily demands of parenting.

• Women are gaining confidence and independence through career achievement.

• Children benefit from seeing both parents defy gender stereotypes, learning that love, care, and strength are not bound by roles.

The Challenges Still Remain

Let’s not sugar-coat it. Stay-at-home dads may still face judgment, awkward questions, or assumptions that they’re “unemployed.” Breadwinning mums may feel guilt or pressure to “do it all.” Society still clings to certain expectations.

But the more we normalise these flipped roles, the more we break down those outdated views.

A Future That Celebrates Choice

The real win is not just flipping the script—it’s rewriting it entirely. Every family should feel empowered to make choices that reflect their values, strengths, and realities, without judgement.

Whether it’s mum at the office or dad on the school run, what matters most is mutual respect, teamwork, and raising the next generation to know that gender doesn’t define greatness—character does.

© 2025 Marlena Pakula. All Rights Reserved.

Ambition vs Nurture: Why Career Pressure Hits Women & Men Differently

 

In the race to succeed, ambition is often celebrated as the key to unlocking professional potential. But beneath the surface of promotions, deadlines, and LinkedIn accolades lies a truth we rarely confront: the pressure to succeed doesn't weigh equally on everyone. For women and men, career pressure feels different — shaped by centuries of gender roles, societal expectations, and internalised ideals of success.

The Ambition Narrative: A Masculine Blueprint?

From a young age, boys are often praised for traits like competitiveness, independence, and assertiveness. These qualities become the cornerstone of how we define "ambition." In many cultures, men are expected to climb the career ladder relentlessly, with success directly tied to their identity and worth.

This pressure can lead to burnout, emotional suppression, and a narrow definition of masculinity. While society encourages male ambition, it rarely offers space for vulnerability or a redefinition of what a meaningful career looks like. Men may feel trapped in roles they didn’t choose but were socially conditioned to pursue.

The Nurture Trap: The Double Burden on Women

For women, the career journey is a balancing act between ambition and nurture. Girls are often raised with expectations of empathy, caregiving, and self-sacrifice — values that are essential in personal life, but often overlooked or undervalued in professional settings.

As adult women navigate careers, they’re frequently expected to “do it all” — excel at work while maintaining the lion’s share of caregiving responsibilities at home. Whether it's raising children, supporting elderly relatives, or managing household dynamics, the emotional labour is real — and it’s rarely acknowledged by corporate systems.

This duality creates a unique pressure: the need to prove professional capability without appearing too "aggressive" or "neglectful" of traditional feminine roles.

Bias in the Boardroom: Structural Inequality Still Persists

Despite progress, structural inequality continues to shape how ambition is rewarded. Studies show that assertive behaviour in men is seen as leadership, while in women it’s often mislabeled as bossy or abrasive. Men are more likely to be promoted based on potential, while women must often show a proven track record — a double standard that subtly chips away at women’s career trajectories.

The “motherhood penalty” vs. the “fatherhood bonus” further illustrates this divide. While men may be perceived as more stable or dedicated after becoming fathers, women often face assumptions about reduced availability or commitment.

Mental Health Matters: The Hidden Toll

Career pressure doesn’t just impact paychecks — it deeply affects mental health. Men may suffer in silence, hesitant to seek help due to stigma around emotional vulnerability. Women, juggling multiple roles, often experience chronic stress, imposter syndrome, or burnout, especially in high-stakes environments.

And when success does come, it often arrives with guilt — for not spending enough time with family, or for choosing a career over traditional expectations.

So, What’s the Way Forward?

To create a healthier, more inclusive definition of ambition, we need a cultural shift. Here’s what that might look like:

• Normalise alternative success paths for both men and women — ones that include flexibility, balance, and emotional well-being.

• Value caregiving and emotional labour in both private and professional spaces.

• Reframe leadership by recognising that collaboration, empathy, and communication are as powerful as assertiveness and competitiveness.

• Encourage mental health conversations that dismantle outdated gender norms around strength and vulnerability.

• Redesign workplace policies that support equity, such as parental leave for all genders, mentorship for underrepresented groups, and bias-free promotion systems.

Conclusion

Ambition isn't inherently masculine or feminine — it's human. But the way we experience and express it is deeply shaped by the world around us. Until we untangle gendered expectations and allow people to pursue careers that align with their authentic selves, career pressure will continue to hit unequally. It's time to redefine success not by how far we climb, but by how balanced, supported, and fulfilled we feel along the way.

© 2025 Marlena Pakula. All Rights Reserved.

Women vs Men Memes That Are a Little Too Accurate

Laugh, relate, and tag your partner – because some truths are just too meme-worthy to ignore.

From emotional decoding to thermostat wars, Women vs Men memes never fail to entertain. But sometimes, they hit so close to reality that you can’t help but laugh... or maybe question your entire relationship dynamic. Whether you’re team "multi-tab chaos" or "one-tab peace," these memes highlight the funny side of gender differences in everyday life.

Here are some of the best Women vs Men memes that are just a little too accurate — and why we secretly love how relatable they are.

1. “I’m Fine” – The Universal Miscommunication

Him: “She said she’s fine, everything’s alright.”
Her (thinking): “I said I’m fine. He should KNOW what that means.”

Every couple has experienced this moment. It’s not about what’s said — it’s about what’s meant. One word. Endless confusion.

2. Tabs vs Tab

Her laptop: 38 tabs open, 4 playlists playing, 3 shopping baskets waiting.
His laptop: One tab open. It’s a football video.

It’s the perfect metaphor for how many women multitask while men focus on one mission at a time.

3. Shopping: Efficient vs Emotionally Enlightened

Him: “Went for socks. Bought socks.”
Her: “Went for toothpaste. Came back with candles, snacks, a plant, and a deeper sense of self.”

There’s an art to browsing, okay?

4. The Apology Standoff

Him: “I’ll apologise when she calms down.”
Her: “I’ll calm down when he apologises.”

And thus, silence falls over the house for the next 3 to 5 business days.

5. Holiday Packing: Prepared vs Hopeful

Her suitcase: Outfits for sun, rain, snow, a wedding, and a zombie apocalypse.
His suitcase: Two T-shirts and a dream.

You never know what might happen. Women plan. Men pray.

6. Texting Vibes

Her: A paragraph full of heart, nuance, and emoji.
Him: “K.”

Is it cold? Is it careless? Is he even still alive? The mystery continues.

7. Thermostat Wars

Her: In socks, hoodie, and under a blanket.
Him: Sweating in shorts with a fan on.

Apparently, comfort is subjective. And yes, we’ll fight about it every winter.

Why These Memes Work

Because they show us, in a light-hearted way, that men and women often experience life very differently — and that’s okay. These memes aren’t about division, they’re about connection through comedy. A little exaggeration, a little truth, and a lot of shared laughter.

Final Thoughts

Relationships can be tricky — but memes remind us that sometimes, all we need is a sense of humour (and maybe an extra blanket or charger). The next time you see a meme that feels too real, tag your partner, share the giggle, and remember: laughter might just be the love language we all understand.

© 2025 Marlena Pakula. All Rights Reserved.

 

Can Men and Women Be Just Friends? The Internet Has Opinions.

It’s a question that seems as old as time itself, yet it never fails to spark heated debates: Can men and women truly be just friends? With each new generation, the conversation resurfaces—this time, fuelled by viral TikToks, opinionated Reddit threads, and podcast hosts who are far too confident in their hot takes.

Some insist the answer is a resounding no, claiming that romantic or sexual tension is always lurking in the background, waiting to complicate things. Others argue absolutely yes, pointing out that mature adults are more than capable of forming platonic relationships, regardless of gender.

So, what does the internet think?

The "No Way" Camp

Let’s start with the skeptics. This group argues that one person always wants more. Their logic? If there’s any attraction—even unspoken—it taints the friendship. Videos with titles like “Why Your Male Best Friend Secretly Loves You” rack up millions of views. People share stories of long-time “friends” who eventually confessed feelings, ghosted after rejection, or waited for a breakup to make their move.

Some even cite evolutionary psychology, saying men and women are biologically wired to seek romantic or sexual connection, making pure friendship an uphill battle.

But is that the whole truth?

The “Of Course They Can” Crew

On the other side of the spectrum are those who’ve had lifelong platonic friendships with no blurred lines. They argue that attraction doesn’t always equal action, and that personal boundaries, maturity, and mutual respect play a far bigger role than hormones.

They point out how same-gender friendships also face dynamics like jealousy, emotional intimacy, or even unrequited feelings—but that doesn’t stop those friendships from thriving.

Some online voices—especially among younger generations—view the “men and women can’t be friends” idea as outdated and rooted in insecurity or possessiveness. After all, why can’t we normalize deep, meaningful friendships between people of all genders?

What Social Media Reveals

Platforms like TikTok and Instagram show us how divided people still are. Under a single video about the topic, you might find thousands of conflicting comments:

“My best friend is a guy. We’ve been friends for 10 years. No issues.”
“Tried that. He caught feelings and ghosted.”
“It’s only an issue if one of you isn’t honest with yourself.”

Meanwhile, podcasts and YouTube channels use the topic to generate clicks, often leaning into controversy or personal anecdotes rather than nuance.

It seems like the real answer depends on context—age, culture, personal experiences, and emotional intelligence all play a part.

So, Can They?

The better question might be: Do both people want to be just friends, and are they both honest about it? Friendships—like any relationship—require communication, boundaries, and respect. Gender doesn’t necessarily make that more complicated… but it can, especially if there’s a lack of clarity.

Maybe the real test isn’t can men and women be just friends, but how they manage to do it—and whether both are truly on the same page.

Your Turn: What Do You Think?

Have you had a close friend of the opposite sex? Did it ever get complicated, or did you prove the doubters wrong? I’d love to hear your stories in the comments—or better yet, share this post and see what your friends think. Let’s bring the conversation to life.

Because one thing’s for sure—the internet isn’t done debating this one just yet.

© 2025 Marlena Pakula. All Rights Reserved.